Thanksgiving...

I know this is probably a few days late since it's about Thanksgiving and all but I'll talk about it anyway. I need to actually. First and foremost we went to my mom and dad's house for Thanksgiving. We planned to stay there for the entire break and it was going to be a much needed getaway...well maybe I was wrong! When we first got there it felt pretty good. I mean my parents had started cooking like pies and stuff which was pretty normal for my house around Thanksgiving so everything looked great. Well mom told me that Nathan and Ashley were coming up that night or the next morning. Oh boy, that was not fun to hear about at all. I don't really like my brother or my sister in law. I was looking forward to seeing my new neice though! :D So that kind of sucked. Well after Nathan and Ashley got up there my parents started to treat Bec and me differently and they really started to treat Cass differently. That is what bothered me the most. Don't treat my daughter different just because biological grandchildren are there. Now, my parents kept trying to hint at how they don't approve of my being in a same sex relationship. They think I'm going to have to deal with god or whatever. We will see if that actually happens and if it does I'll tell him that I am his creation. Bam got that covered bitches. Anyway, that was a slight tangent. Well this upset Bec a lot but I guess I'm kind of used to it. Whatever. So Bec wanted to leave on Thursday before we even had dinner. This upset me some but I just get in this mindset of just deal with it until Nat and Ash are gone and then things get better. Well Bec doesn't let go of things as well as I do. It's one of the differences between us. So Bec said she wanted to leave on Friday after Nat and Ash had already left. She wanted to go. So she started packing her stuff and decided she was leaving, with or without me. She was tired of mom and dad acting like the sun shown out of Nat's ass and them treating his two kids awesome and acting sort of like Cass wasn't there. So we argued some and mom had given me some money to go get something from the grocery store. After Bec and I argued, I told her we would leave so I went downstairs to tell my mom that we were leaving. I was super upset and crying at this point. So when I got downstairs my mom made me sit down and talk to her. I couldn't really say anything other than something along the lines of Bec feels unappreciated. This was directed at them not at me making her feel this way. Well my mom thought it was because I made her feel that way. Not the best way of putting it but I couldn't say anything else. I don't know. So instead of my mom clarifying what was going on, she ran upstairs instead. Bec said she wanted to just talk at first but Bec didn't want to talk. My mom tried to stop her from walking through a door by putting her hands on her and Bec spazed out. Then they started yelling at each other so I ran upstairs. My dad understood why she was upset. He knew it was because of how they were acting. Anyway, I got upstairs in time to hear my mom call Bec the source of all of my problems, which she isn't. She pays all the bills and works so I don't have to. My mom also called her a cunt and some other stuff. Bec said some pretty nasty stuff as well. I felt like I was in elementary school again having to pick between friends. I have always felt like I was on a cusp and having to choose sides. Is it because of my astrological sign being on a cusp of conflicting elements? I don't get it. So now Bec wants nothing to do with my mother and won't accept her apologies. My mom is sort of acting like it didn't happen and Bec is angry because I have kind of made up with my mom. We still have some stuff to talk out but I cannot bring myself to hold a grudge. It's not in my nature. I'm sorry. I can't do it because the moment I feel like I hold that grudge, I know that something bad will happen to that person, no matter who they are or their relationship to me, and I will live with that for the rest of my life. Knowing that something happened while we were on bad terms. I can't live with that. I know I can't. So this is the short of what happened. I've already had arguements with Bec about graduation and who will be there because of the shit with my mom. What am I supposed to do? Tell my mother she can't come to her baby girl's graduation from college? I'm sorry, she's waited 21 years for this day. I won't make her miss it.

It's been a while...

Well it's time to start letting things out again. I read through my old posts and man were they dumb...anyway it's time to grow up and post shit that really matters or that I need to get off my chest whether or not anyone reads it. I've started a new chapter in my life and it's time to start acting like it.

Sorry about the lapse in posts.

Well guys i have been super busy and i haven't really had much time to post on my blog much less do anything else on my myspace. i mean i really should set aside equal time for each but myspace is so addicting with all of the things that u can do there. i'm sorry will y'all forgive me? well i just turned 17 two days ago and i dont feel much different i mean i still have to remind myself that i'm 17 and not 16 its really weird. well i mean i guess it just takes a little adjusting but i'll get used to it. well alex wrote me a really sweet poem and it made me cry and my mom got me some flowers and a white gold cross necklace. it's so pretty. i dont take it off either. well i have been reading some really awesome books like go ask alice, crank, it happened to nancy, and then i have another one called smack. they're all based along the same lines but each is different and they are so addicting i have already read 326 pages of crank and i have to force myself to put it down well i think i'm gonna go now. well let me know if u wanna borrow any of my books; i'll gladly loan them out. well i'm gonna go now! luv ya! bye!

Sorry for depriving y'all faithful blogger people!!

Sorry to those of yall that are faithful to blogger. i havent posted for a long while so i decided to post since i have nothing better to do than post. well let's see. i hate my job because i have to work every weekend....in fact it's everyday of every weekend so i never get to have a life. i had this crazy dream last night. we went to state for DECA but i didnt get to go and because i didnt go we couldnt move on to nationals. then me and alex went to outdoor ed together and then when we got back to the high school (which looked like the front of the HEB shopping mall thing over by GNC and stuff) i forgot my purse on the bus and coach left so i was running around trying to find someone who had coach's number so that way i could go and get my purse off of the bus. well we ran into Ms. Kerfoot and Mrs. Marshall and they said that they could take two people on to nationals (for DECA i dont know why) in extemporaneous speaking and that i needed to write two essays. i dont know about that part it was really weird. well then i went inside with alex to ask someone in there when we ran into Kiana and she was filling up bags and bags and bags of green grapes (my favorite!!!!) after that we went back outside bc i was gonna ask ms. kerfoot a question but i didnt and we went back inside and the dream just gets fuzzier from there. well i dont really know what else to write about so i'll talk to everyone later. i need to get started on a powerpoint project for mrs. marshall. well much love to everyone...and i'll talk to yall later.

Nikki be a bad girl!!!!

Well i went and created a myspace. i have no idea what i'm doing so i'm gonna have to have someone come and help me with it bc i feel really stupid....i mean it's hard...i dont know. i promise that i will not deprive my blog so that's kewl right??? i hope so.. well that's all talk to ya later!!

Tag your IT!

Hey i just got tagged by PC and now i have to write down my 5 pet peeves. Well here they are:

1. I know this is stupid but i can't stand it when someone uses a double negative in a sentence. it bothers the crud out of me.

2. People who call themselves Christian but then turn around and do unChristian things like swear and anything that is not Christian.

3. I have to say that i got this from PC but it bothers me too. When someone that i'm playing basketball with rubs their sweaty underarms and arms on you when they are trying to post up. it's so gross and they will get by me everytime.

4. Copy-Caters! people really need to be themselves and do their own things and quit copying other people. There are so many trends that me and alex have started that it's not even funny.

5. My last pet peeve would have to be repetitive noises. i would go insane if i had to listen to repeptitive noises all of the time. i mean it's so hard for me to put up with them.

I now tag Andrea, Alex, and Jon. Have fun guys.

Poetry Time!!

for some reason i have gotten into poetry when i used to resent it. it's so weird. i mean i used to hate poetry and now i love it. i guess it would be because Mr. Fleming has taught me how to appreciate poetry and most of all to understand it. he has to be the coolest teacher ever. i mean he has opened my eyes to so many new things. it's awesome well here's a poem that i found in a college literature book it's called True Love. I'll probably also put some more on here so everyone can enjoy them. here it is:

True Love

It is true love because
I put on eyeliner and a concerto and make pungent observations about the great issues of the day
Even when there's no one here but him,
And because
I do not resent watching the Green Bay Packer
Even though I am philosophically opposed to football,
And because
When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the middle of the street,
I always hope he's dead.

It's true love because
If he said quit drinking martinis but I kept drinking them and the next morning I couldn't get out of bed,
He wouldn't tell me he told me,
And because
He is willing to wear unironed undershorts
Out of respect for the fact that I am philosophically opposed to ironing,
And because
If his mother was drowning and I was drowning and he had to choose one of us to save,
He says he'd save me.

It's true love because
When he went to San Francisco on business while I had to stay home with the painters and the exterminator and the baby who was getting the chicken pox,
He understood why I hated him,
And because
When I said that playing the stock market was juvenile and irresponsible and then the stock I wouldn't let him buy went up twenty-six points,
I understood why he hated me,
And because
Despite cigarette cough, tooth decay, acid indigestion, dandruff, and other features of married life that tend to dampen the fires of passion,
We still feel something
We can call
True love.

Judith Viorst

One of the Prettiest Poems Ever!!

Well i am taking Eng IV DC with Mr. Flemming and he is one of the coolest teachers ever. well we have been studying poetry and we got to this poem by E.E. Cummings and it blew me away! Let's see if it does the same to you too. Here it is:

ANYONE LIVED IN A PRETTY HOW TOWN
E.E Cummings

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree byleaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

so what did yall think? i love it...its beautiful. well that it. talk to yall later